20. Costume party protocols

Whether you like it or not, one day you'll be invited to a costume party.

I like to think that when invited to a costume party you can be one of three kinds of people:

1) Lazy turd - Can be found uttering "I came as myself" all night. Never be this person.

2) Half arse - Can be found uttering "Yeah I left it to the last minute" all night. You can be this person if you aren't really close to the person throwing the party. You were nice enough to wear a costume. You pass, but only just.

3) Full costume - You won't be uttering anything because you've adhered to the requirements of the party, well done. If you're experiencing ongoing costume related discomfort, you're doing it right. Clearly dressing up in a full costume is the only option! 

Now that I've convinced you to dress in a full costume, here's some basic costume party protocol:

a) Stick to the theme: it's basic, but the most important. Don't be the wanker who shows up as The Joker at the Bollywood themed party.

b) Keep it simple: make sure people can quickly identify who you're dressing up as. If you have to explain your costume, you're not getting your message through. People will recognise Darth Vader, but they won't recall the fat guy in the Rebel Squadron so easily.

Cliche Super Mario costume. Uninspiring, but widely known. Don't mind the hand gesture.

c) Do it yourself: where possible, try and do the costume yourself. Don't just go on ebay and look up a costume. It's so sterile and generic. Be creative. You don't need to sew anything. You could just make a little accessory (see hat in the above picture) or use something existing in your wardrobe in a creative way. A red plaid shirt and red suspenders used in a lumberjack costume:

Belt and shoes don't match - fashion crime.

You have to remember it's just a costume party - it doesn't really matter how polished your costume looks. If anything, you're expected to look stupid. Above all, make sure you have fun with it and never cover your body in paint - it goes everywhere:

"I blue myself."*

-Loic

*A homage to Tobias Funke from Arrested Development. 

19. Visit a barber

Visit a barber?

Yes, visit a barber.

Barbers are like hairdressers, but for gentlemen. It's almost like a time-warp to the fifties. Instead of getting your haircut by a fifteen year old first year apprentice who dropped out of school, you'll be getting your hair cut by someone with experience. Similar to a man's shoes, his haircut says just as much about him.

For example, if you have hair as long as a Swedish death metal guitarist, it probably means you're lazy and don't care about your appearance. If you have green/purple/blue hair it probably means you think you're ugly and having a stupid colour in your hair will draw attention from that. If you have a faux-hawk*, you're a douchebag. Observe:

Douchey douche douche McDouche.

Going to a barber is an experience. They will ask how you want your hair cut. They won't assume anything, and they will ask questions. Every hair above your neck will be accounted for. Eyebrows can be trimmed, beards can be shaved and so on. If you're not sure what you're after, you can ask for their recommendation. Whatever you do, don't get a haircut where you'll look back in ten years and ask yourself what you were thinking.

They won't judge you, as it's their job to cater to your needs. It doesn't matter if it takes longer or if it's difficult. It's their job to do so. Different people come in and ask for different things. Don't be afraid to do the same.

If you know me, you'll know that I love a good haircut. I have two basic requests when getting spruced up with my number three all over:

      1) Scissor over comb: Classic haircutting method. If your hairdresser/barber doesn't know or want to do this for you, leave immediately. It certainly takes a lot longer than clippers, but it's worth it. It won't be perfect and uniform, but that's the point. There'll be a few missed hairs here and there - but it prevents the awful 'just got my hair cut' look. It looks natural. Clippers are now your enemy. 

      2) Straight razor on the neck : Instead of getting a little clipper (which tickles incessantly) to clean the back of your neck - get it lathered and shaved. You can get your neck line faded or squared off. I personally prefer squared off as it's neater.

Forego shaving for a week or two, let them take care of it and get pampered like a man. Especially in this month of Movember what better way to clean up the mess on your upper lip, than a trip to the humble barber?

-Loic

*Since faux-hawks are unforgivable, I decided to get a real one for Tough Mudder earlier this year. Went to the barber's the next day:

   

18. Trip to Mauritius - Photodump

Hi everyone,

As promised, here's a few highlights from my time overseas. I'll revert to clothing related posts shortly, allow me to indulge!

 The people in the orange shirts would spend all day calling out to people and getting them to buy a glass of  alouda. Alouda is a drink with milk and other stuff. Similar to bubble tea. They sure as hell caught me.

 Chicken curry, faratha and the beer of Mauritius - Phoenix. Courtesy of my aunt Danielle.

 Boats, in Port Louis - who'd have thought?

 "Very hot Nakul. He has a big cock, call him"

Why don't our buses have Wi-Fi?! 

 Street food is extremely common. The most common food sold is dhall puri and roti. These things are everywhere.

 This gentleman simply oozes cool.

 "Don't piss in this lane."

 I snuck in a cheeky workout in a Mauritian gym. $3 for a casual visit, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to complain. A severe lack of 20kg plates.

 Jumped out of this thing (video below).

 After I landed, there were two British ladies waiting for their turn. We had a brief chat and I offered comforting words: "It's really fast and my brain just kinda scrambled." This was their ascent to madness.

 A somewhat questionable plaything.

 Loic and Joyous Rains had a good time (video below).

Had to show the ostriches some love.

 Just taking in the view.

 Everyone leaves after Mass. 

 Got a lift from the cops.

 Riviere Noire National Park

 Church, forgot the name of it.

It got pretty hot.

 Rivier Noire, looking west to Flic en Flacq. This was absolutely breathtaking.

 Double barrel 12 gauge and a .308, I think.

How can water even get this blue?

Videos:

Let me just say that loud things and heights are things that I don't like. I usually prefer drinking tea, eating lots of ice cream and doing deadlifts. Language warning for the fireworks video.

-Loic

17. Mauritian Food - Mini Photodump

From the bottom of my jetlagged heart, I issue apologies for skipping last week's update. Internet access has been inconsistent for me. I guess enjoying my holiday was more important than posting pictures on the Internet.

Anyway, I feel like I have been overdue for a food related post - so I thought I'd do a mini photodump. This one will be of food I managed to take a picture of shortly before their delicious (yet grim) demise. 

Eski is a range of soft drinks which come in a bunch of interesting flavours, namely almond, vanilla and strawberry. A small bottle would set you back about $1.30.

Minne (pronounced "min") is a basic stirfried noodle dish and is a common street food. $3. 

Hmm..

 

 The next dish is called bol reverse*. Again, a stir fry style dish with the novelty of removing an upside down bowl. Chicken, pork, chinese sausage, rice, buk choy and an egg on top. $3. Wagamama, eat your $20-per-grain-of-rice heart out.

Good old roti. Served with rougaille and potato curry. There are hundreds of street vendors across the country. Extremely popular and when fresh, absolutely amazing. A pair is a lousy 80c. Roti and Loic got along just fine (and frequently).

There was a lot more that I ate, but I honestly forgot to take photos of them. I've still got to unpack and take a look at the pictures I took on my camera. Another photodump will likely follow.

Loic


*Thanks Nic, you knob

16. Photodump 1

Hi everyone,

I'm in Mauritius at the moment and I'd like to apologise for not posting as usual on Sundays. Unfortunately there wasn't much Internet floating around 12km over the Indian Ocean.

On the flight over, I was pretty bored and had a chance to go through some pictures on my phone. Though they aren't all clothing related, I thought they'd be worthwhile sharing.

Mismatched belt and shoes, and the YD shirt is bad.

Same as above. Bad YD shirt.

Regardless of eagerness, writing on your footwear is never ok.

Couldn't help but notice Emma was the only colourful lady in the carpark.

I love how she stands out.

Don't wear jeans to the gym you bloody douchebag.

3/4 pants/shorts are never ok.

Hopefully while I'm here I can find something to write about. Either that, or take sneaky pictures of badly dressed people.

Loic

15. Wardrobe Essential: Red Knit

The "Wardrobe Essential" posts all have one thing in common. They are all versatile and can be worn without too much thought. One fantastic example of said versatility is today's article - the red knit. I'm partial to the Tommy Hilfiger rendition.

You're probably thinking: "Why red? What's wrong with blue or green? Why is Loic so good looking? Can he really deadlift 140kg for 6 reps?"* Red is just a breeze to colour match. It goes really well with other bold colours. If you're not sure, wearing white underneath will be foolproof.

Knits are also great because they are light but keep you warm. They really shine when it's cold outside, but not cold enough to warrant wearing a bulky jacket. They are also an alternative to hoodies, if you're tired of looking like a uni student. 

Wearing knits helps add a dressy edge without going overboard. They should be of a neat and tidy fit. Bagginess is not an option. 

Let's take a look at some examples of different ways you can wear a red knit:

We can easily construct a decent outfit with black jeans and sneakers.

Dessert boots add a dressy feel to an otherwise basic outfit.

Red knits also work effectively as a layering piece.

Red knits can easily transition to the office. Wear it with navy or charcoal.

With chinos and white tee - two other wardrobe essentials.

Though I didn't have one available, red knits work beautifully with checked shirts underneath. Think gingham. There's also a bit of stigma about the fabric of knits. Some prefer wool and are all about the cashmere content. Others prefer cotton. Both are fine. 

The beauty of this wardrobe essential is that the colour is striking, and the fit is tidy. An interesting balance between eye catching and understated. A Tommy Hilfiger knit will set you back about $100. It's a fair price considering all the different ways you can wear it.

Loic

*Yes, I am that good looking and yes, I can deadlift 140kg for 6 reps.

14. 2:1 Colour Ratio

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately I can't claim today's post as my own. I had read this in a magazine a few years ago. I found it so simple and easy to follow, that I have to share it with you. Earlier today I was in a rush to get dressed so I couldn't spend my usual half an hour deciding what to wear. I had no choice but to revert what I call the "2:1 Colour Ratio".

Before I explain the ratio, let's assume every casual outfit comprises of three pieces: top, bottom and shoes. To keep it basic, let's stick with a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. The colour ratio comes in as a foolproof method of colour matching which anyone can follow. Of course, you don't always have to do this, but it's safe and it works.

Simply pick two colours. Wear two of one colour and one of the other.  A classic example is a white tee with blue jeans and white shoes.

The overall look works because it isn't too complicated. A lot of men who 'dress to impress' often end up out of their depth and rely on one piece of their outfit to carry the whole look. It's essential that when you get dressed that all parts of your outfit work together. Just keep it simple! Would you rather look terrible in an obvious way, or look good in a subtle and understated way?

Here's a couple of other examples:

Dressing 2:1 isn't essential, but it's an easy way to make ensure that your outfits are decently colour matched. My favourite combo is to match the top and shoes, so as to 'frame' the bottoms you may choose to wear.

Loic