Sunday, 25 November 2012

22. Recipe: Lodawg Stir Fry

Hey everyone, I thought I'd share a quick and easy stir fry recipe which is good for the time deficient. I call it the Lodawg Stir Fry because stir fries are subject to unlimited variation. This is just my version.


500g lean beef mince (can be substituted with beef/chicken/pork strips)
Sweet soy sauce
Sesame oil
Light soya sauce
Medium onion, chopped
Bok choy, chopped (can be substituted with other leafy vegetables)
4 or more broccoli florets
Half a capsicum, sliced into strips
2 cloves of garlic, chopped

Say 'Ni hao' to flavour

1. Heat up the pan on high. Then, add a tablespoon of sesame oil. Let it thin out a little and add the garlic and onion. Accordingly, commence browning that shit.

"Hey, we're not shit!"

2. Once the onion and garlic is browned, throw in the mince. Break it up with a wooden spoon as it cooks. While it's cooking, add two tablespoons of the sweet soy sauce and a few dashes of the light soy sauce. Make sure you're stirring constantly so nothing burns.

Flavour meltdown imminent.

3. Add the broccoli as it takes a little while longer to cook through. This depends on how you like your stir fries though. Some like crunchy, fresh tasting vegetables. Others prefer soggy, horrible, yuck-ass, crap-ass vegetables. Guess which one I prefer.


4. Add the capsicum and turn the heat off. Capsicum gets soggy (see step 3) easily so you don't want to overcook it. The leftover heat will take care of it.

Crunchy-ass Part 2: It's Crunch Time.

5. Next, add all the stir fry to a bowl and top it with the buk choy. This way, it will stay nice and crunchy and have a fantastic fresh taste.

 Crunchy-ass 3: When It Comes To the Crunch.

6. You can serve it with or without rice. Plenty of nutrition to be had and best of all, can be prepared in fifteen minutes. It also reheats well the next day.



Friday, 23 November 2012

21. Bill Cosby Project

Not really an update as such, but I made a video of Mauritians saying Bill Cosby. It's heartwarming, I promise.


Sunday, 18 November 2012

20. Costume party protocols

Whether you like it or not, one day you'll be invited to a costume party.

I like to think that when invited to a costume party you can be one of three kinds of people:

1) Lazy turd - Can be found uttering "I came as myself" all night. Never be this person.

2) Half arse - Can be found uttering "Yeah I left it to the last minute" all night. You can be this person if you aren't really close to the person throwing the party. You were nice enough to wear a costume. You pass, but only just.

3) Full costume - You won't be uttering anything because you've adhered to the requirements of the party, well done. If you're experiencing ongoing costume related discomfort, you're doing it right. Clearly dressing up in a full costume is the only option! 

Now that I've convinced you to dress in a full costume, here's some basic costume party protocol:

a) Stick to the theme: it's basic, but the most important. Don't be the wanker who shows up as The Joker at the Bollywood themed party.

b) Keep it simple: make sure people can quickly identify who you're dressing up as. If you have to explain your costume, you're not getting your message through. People will recognise Darth Vader, but they won't recall the fat guy in the Rebel Squadron so easily.

Cliche Super Mario costume. Uninspiring, but widely known. Don't mind the hand gesture.

c) Do it yourself: where possible, try and do the costume yourself. Don't just go on ebay and look up a costume. It's so sterile and generic. Be creative. You don't need to sew anything. You could just make a little accessory (see hat in the above picture) or use something existing in your wardrobe in a creative way. A red plaid shirt and red suspenders used in a lumberjack costume:

Belt and shoes don't match - fashion crime.

You have to remember it's just a costume party - it doesn't really matter how polished your costume looks. If anything, you're expected to look stupid. Above all, make sure you have fun with it and never cover your body in paint - it goes everywhere:

"I blue myself."*


*A homage to Tobias Funke from Arrested Development. 

Sunday, 11 November 2012

19. Visit a barber

Visit a barber?

Yes, visit a barber.

Barbers are like hairdressers, but for gentlemen. It's almost like a time-warp to the fifties. Instead of getting your haircut by a fifteen year old first year apprentice who dropped out of school, you'll be getting your hair cut by someone with experience. Similar to a man's shoes, his haircut says just as much about him.

For example, if you have hair as long as a Swedish death metal guitarist, it probably means you're lazy and don't care about your appearance. If you have green/purple/blue hair it probably means you think you're ugly and having a stupid colour in your hair will draw attention from that. If you have a faux-hawk*, you're a douchebag. Observe:

Douchey douche douche McDouche.

Going to a barber is an experience. They will ask how you want your hair cut. They won't assume anything, and they will ask questions. Every hair above your neck will be accounted for. Eyebrows can be trimmed, beards can be shaved and so on. If you're not sure what you're after, you can ask for their recommendation. Whatever you do, don't get a haircut where you'll look back in ten years and ask yourself what you were thinking.

They won't judge you, as it's their job to cater to your needs. It doesn't matter if it takes longer or if it's difficult. It's their job to do so. Different people come in and ask for different things. Don't be afraid to do the same.

If you know me, you'll know that I love a good haircut. I have two basic requests when getting spruced up with my number three all over:

      1) Scissor over comb: Classic haircutting method. If your hairdresser/barber doesn't know or want to do this for you, leave immediately. It certainly takes a lot longer than clippers, but it's worth it. It won't be perfect and uniform, but that's the point. There'll be a few missed hairs here and there - but it prevents the awful 'just got my hair cut' look. It looks natural. Clippers are now your enemy. 

      2) Straight razor on the neck : Instead of getting a little clipper (which tickles incessantly) to clean the back of your neck - get it lathered and shaved. You can get your neck line faded or squared off. I personally prefer squared off as it's neater.

Forego shaving for a week or two, let them take care of it and get pampered like a man. Especially in this month of Movember what better way to clean up the mess on your upper lip, than a trip to the humble barber?


*Since faux-hawks are unforgivable, I decided to get a real one for Tough Mudder earlier this year. Went to the barber's the next day:


Sunday, 4 November 2012

18. Trip to Mauritius - Photodump

Hi everyone,

As promised, here's a few highlights from my time overseas. I'll revert to clothing related posts shortly, allow me to indulge!

 The people in the orange shirts would spend all day calling out to people and getting them to buy a glass of  alouda. Alouda is a drink with milk and other stuff. Similar to bubble tea. They sure as hell caught me.

 Chicken curry, faratha and the beer of Mauritius - Phoenix. Courtesy of my aunt Danielle.

 Boats, in Port Louis - who'd have thought?

 "Very hot Nakul. He has a big cock, call him"

Why don't our buses have Wi-Fi?! 

 Street food is extremely common. The most common food sold is dhall puri and roti. These things are everywhere.

 This gentleman simply oozes cool.

 "Don't piss in this lane."

 I snuck in a cheeky workout in a Mauritian gym. $3 for a casual visit, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to complain. A severe lack of 20kg plates.

 Jumped out of this thing (video below).

 After I landed, there were two British ladies waiting for their turn. We had a brief chat and I offered comforting words: "It's really fast and my brain just kinda scrambled." This was their ascent to madness.

 A somewhat questionable plaything.

 Loic and Joyous Rains had a good time (video below).

Had to show the ostriches some love.

 Just taking in the view.

 Everyone leaves after Mass. 

 Got a lift from the cops.

 Riviere Noire National Park

 Church, forgot the name of it.

It got pretty hot.

 Rivier Noire, looking west to Flic en Flacq. This was absolutely breathtaking.

 Double barrel 12 gauge and a .308, I think.

How can water even get this blue?


Let me just say that loud things and heights are things that I don't like. I usually prefer drinking tea, eating lots of ice cream and doing deadlifts. Language warning for the fireworks video.